Everything was perfect. I was the happiest I’d been in years. Then, all of a sudden, CRASH, and it was gone. When I woke up, all I could see was smoke and shattered glass. There was a coppery taste in my mouth. I tried to move my arm, but it refused to work. Nothing worked. I could hear a voice. Whoever it belonged to was trying very hard to get my attention. I felt like I should know, but I was too disoriented to work it out. All of the information that I should have known immediately was scrambled in my head like a jigsaw puzzle that had been dumped on the floor. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and go back to the world where absolutely nothing was wrong. The voice got louder, and now I could make out words.

       “Frank! Frankie, baby, look at me! Please!”

        This didn’t mean much to me. Who was Frank? Was that me? Was I supposed to be looking at someone? I was tired. I wanted to go to sleep. I closed my eyes. “Just for a minute….” I told myself. As soon as my eyes closed, it felt like my whole body was moving alarmingly fast. I didn’t like it. I wanted it to stop. When my eyes opened again, I was standing on the side of the highway, looking at the wreckage of two cars. I could hear screaming and crying, and I wondered if someone needed help. As I approached the more damaged of the two cars, the truth hit me like a brick. There was a shockingly familiar young man in the driver’s seat. He was holding the passenger, who seemed unresponsive, and screaming, “Oh God, Frankie, please don’t die!” as tears streaked down his blood stained face.

The passenger was me.

…One Year Earlier

       House of Wolves

“I know a thing about contrition, ‘cause I got enough to spare.”

       “Of all the places and times we could have moved, why Wisconsin in January?” I griped, staring angrily out the car window and violently tearing the head off an innocent gummy bear. “Couldn’t we have at least waited until next school year?”

       “We’ve had this conversation a thousand times, Frank. I know you didn’t want to leave Seattle, but we don’t really have a choice. Your father got a job in Madison.” Mom replied, sounding slightly exasperated. I was annoying her. Good. That was my goal; to make everyone as miserable as I was. They deserved it. They were taking me away from the place that I’d called home for nearly seventeen years. The truth was, I was terrified. Starting at a new school in the middle of the term was going to be hell. Like any naive parent, Mom had assured me that I would make lots of new friends. ‘Yeah right,’ I thought, sliding my tongue back and forth over my lip ring, as I always did when I was upset. I was ready to punch the next person who told me that everything would be fine, and that I was being too negative. They didn’t understand. They never understood anything. They had forgotten, or were completely oblivious to, the fact that high school is like a wolf pack. Everyone has their place in the group, and newcomers are usually attacked, and not easily accepted. I was a lone wolf, pulled away from my pack, and soon to be forced into another. I put in my earbuds and hit shuffle on my i-pod, hoping that music would calm the feelings of rage that swirled inside me like a hurricane. The first song that came up was “House Of Wolves”. ‘Great,’ I thought. ‘Even my i-pod hates me.’ The phrase, “Life sucks, and then you die” suddenly came to mind.

       Three days later, we had successfully moved into our new house, which was just outside a small town, about forty five minutes southwest of Madison. I was standing at the end of our driveway, freezing my ass of, waiting for Satan’s big, yellow chariot to pick me up and carry me off to hell. Just when frostbite was surely imminent, the bus wheezed up and ground to a screeching halt, sliding a few feet on the ice coated road. The door creaked open, revealing a shriveled old man who appeared to have some serious anger management issues slouching behind the wheel. ‘Oh joy! This must be Satan!’ I thought sarcastically. He grunted something unintelligible, which I assumed was meant to be “Good morning”, in my general direction when I boarded what was looking more and more like a death trap every second. Kindergardeners stared at me like I was the Eighth Wonder of the World as I made my way toward an inconspicuous seat near the back. I sunk my 5’10” frame low onto the pleather, hoping no one my age would notice me. Using my sleeve, I cleared the frost from my window. I watched rolling hills fade into buildings as we neared our destination. We stopped outside a large, modern looking, brick building, and I followed the other doomed souls as they disembarked Satan’s chariot.

       Upon entering, I pulled a stack of papers out of my black messenger bag. The stack contained my locker number, my class schedule, and a map of the school. First, I had to find my locker. It turned out to be next to a very enthusiastic looking girl who’s locker was decorated liberally with gecko pictures. She was deep in conversation with another girl, so she didn’t notice me as I shuffled up and opened my locker, putting everything nonessential inside. I grabbed a book and headed off to my first class, study hall. I immediately became hopelessly lost, despite the map, so I retraced my steps back to my locker. Even though my guy instincts told me I didn’t need help, I decided to ask Gecko Girl for directions.

       “H-h-hi, I’m Frank Markov. I’m kinda new here, and, uh, I was wondering if you could show me where I’m supposed to be going?” I stuttered, holding out my class schedule hesitantly.

       “Sure!” she said brightly, looking at the trembling paper in my outstretched hand. “It looks like we have the same study hall. “I’m Hope Brazo, by the way. Nice to meet you, Frank.” I had, quite literally, found Hope. Maybe this day wouldn’t be so bad after all.

       Hope showed me the way to the cafeteria, where our study hall took place. It was early, and class hadn’t officially started yet, so she introduced me to some of her friends. The first, a friendly looking girl named Avery with long, wavy, auburn hair and hazel eyes, turned out to be the same girl that Hope had been talking to when I’d first walked in. She eagerly greeted me, and, pulling a tiny, well-worn piece of paper from her pocket, announced that the song of the day was “20 Dollar Nosebleed”. ‘At least I found people with good taste in music,’ I noted mentally. The girl standing next to Avery shook my hand, saying, “I’m Charlotte, but everyone calls me Charlie.” Her hair, which was black with white blond highlights, hung over her face, covering one eye. Her shirt said “Gerardaholic”, which she told me referred to Gerard Way.

       “Cool contacts.” Charlie commented, looking at my dark purple irises.

       “It’s not my contacts. My eyes really are purple.” I responded, amused by the look of doubt on her face. “I’m serious.” I assured her, though she still looked dubious until I slid my contact lens off my iris to prove that it was clear, which seemed to satisfy her.

       “By the way, this is Andy.” she said, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb at the boy standing behind her. His black hair was buzz-cut on one side, with long bangs falling in front of his face. Normally nose rings bothered me, but his worked for him. He waved, but didn’t say anything. Charlie elbowed him.

       “Ouch! What was that for?” he asked, looking more hurt than angry.

       “For saying absolutely nothing this entire time!” chuckled Charlie. “He’s not going to bite you! Wait…you’re not…right?” she said, looking to me for conformation.

       “I promise, I don’t bite…Unless you want me to…” I said, smiling and raising my eyebrow suggestively. It was out before I had a chance to think about it. I mentally slapped myself for flirting with Andy. I hoped that everyone would assume it had been directed toward Charlie, though I wasn’t sure if I wanted that either. ‘You will not mess this up!’ I told myself. They didn’t need to find that out on the first day. I’d have to tell them eventually, but not before they knew me better. I wasn’t even officially out of the closet yet. I’d let them get to know me first, before I dropped that bombshell. Luckily, everyone seemed to take it as a joke, and even Andy laughed. It was a cute, nervous sort of laugh. I liked it.

       I was momentarily distracted from the rest of the group when an extremely tall boy with fire-engine-red hair ran up behind them. He skidded to a stop, nearly dropping the stack of books he was carrying. His glasses were about to fall off, adding to the overall comical effect.

       “What’s up?” he asked breathlessly. He’d obviously run from his locker to the cafeteria.

       “Thought you weren’t gonna make it, James.” Avery said, seeming oblivious to his unusual arrival. Apparently this was normal.

       “This is Frank.” Hope added, gesturing toward me. I waved as nervously as Andy had, craning my neck back to look at James, who was probably six inches taller than me.

       “Nice to meet you.” he said, sticking out his hand. I slapped his palm instinctively. He looked at me like I’d just said that Brittney Spears was a wonderful mother. He was a hand-shaker, I realized. I shook his still outstretched hand, sheepishly trying to hide my embarrassment. Meanwhile, Charlie was laughing her ass off. Clearly she found the whole situation hilarious. At least someone did. People always say, “Years from now, you’ll look back on this and laugh.” Charlie had just decided to get hers in now.

       Then the bell rang, and everyone moved to tables. I started to follow Charlie, but she told me I had to go to the supervising teacher. She’d tell me where to sit. Great, assigned seats. That was exactly what I needed. I shuffled over to the woman Charlie had pointed out. She had short, gray-brown hair, and a friendly smile. I told her who I was, and she Introduced herself as Mrs. Ross. She pointed to a table and told me that would be my assigned seat for the time being. She would make adjustments as needed to keep the class in order. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that Andy was at the same table. He may not have been the most chatty person in the world, but at least I knew him. I slid into a chair next to his, and began reading my book. A few moments later, a folded piece of paper appeared next to me. I opened it and read.

       ‘So, where are you from?’ He had nice handwriting. Much better than mine.

        ‘Seattle’ I responded.

       ‘Guess the snow must be weird for you then.’ The note said when he passed it back to me. It was a statement, not a question. He was stereotyping me.

       ‘Not really, I’ve seen snow before.’ I wrote, trying not to look defensive. He looked back apologetically.

       “I didn’t mean it like that.” He whispered, after checking to make sure the low murmur of conversation had started elsewhere in the room. We were the only people at our table, so we weren’t really in any danger of disturbing anyone else, as long as we stayed quiet. “I just thought it would be weird to go from almost no snow to waist-high drifts.”

       “Oh. Yeah, it was.” I whispered back, feeling bad for assuming the worst in his intentions. I really liked him, and I didn’t want to mess this up on the first day. He smiled, and for the first time I noticed his gorgeous blue eyes. There seemed to be an element of understanding in the look he gave me. It was as if, simply through that look, he was trying to say, “I get it, you’re scared and lonely. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. All I want is to get to know you.” I found a comfort and security in his eyes that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was something I needed, to the point that I was ready to latch onto the first source I could find and never let go. It was then that I realized I was falling hard for this boy I barely knew. I tried to tell myself that it was just his personality, but I couldn’t help thinking that he had a nice body. There was probably a great set of abs under that T-shirt…

        I must have spaced out, because Andy was waving his hand in front of my face, his expression now one of mild concern. I shook my head, forcing myself out of the fantasy scenario that was playing in my head. Andy laughed quietly, probably at the stupid grin plastered on my face. Embarrassed, I quickly turned it into a small smile. I hoped to God I wasn’t blushing.